My thoughts. My rants. My theories. My stories
Asked by Anonymous
I love you too
Asked by Anonymous
You do? Why?
The hardest thing in the world is acceptance of reality. Harder than that is the acceptance of the moment when you realize that the person you love so deeply is no longer yours.
I woke up this morning and was smacked in the face with what was reality. That I had lost the woman I loved, that she had moved on and started seeing someone else. That she no longer was willing to give any part of herself that would connect you two past friends.
The worst part is when you still love that person so deeply that you have to force yourself to play the “friend” role. When you have to smile and be cordial, when on the inside you’re dying, emotionally homeless and empty.
I came to the realization that in order for me to regain my sanity and to live my life not sad all the time, I would have to withhold myself from her as she has chosen herself. I have to resist talking about an “us”. I have to hug her like a friend, a “I’ll see you tomorrow” embrace instead of a hug that seems like it will be the last.
I’ve cried numerous times in the past few days. It’s the only reaction my body will allow me to experience. The tear come because heartbreak is a physical ailment, but also because my mind being the sick villain that it is reminds me that she, is not crying over me.
I don’t know how this will turn out, I don’t know if we’ll interact, or if we do how will they be. I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know if the man she’s chosen to move on to will become who she, falls in love with.
All I know is that this hurts. Not a cut on your finger hurt. A hurt that can’t be explained. A hurt that hurts to bad that you can’t even pinpoint where in your body it’s coming from. A hurt that no medicine can heal.
I realize I can’t do anything though. I’m in a position that seems somewhat like purgatory, maybe he’ll. if I mention an “us”, she ignores it or it brings a negative stop to a conversation. If I play the friend role and say nothing, I allow her to now further away from me.
Of course, I want to knock on her door, kiss her deeply and say “I don’t care. We’re going to make this work. I need you”. But we all know this is another of my mental scenarios that will never come to existence. Not because I wouldn’t try, but because the scenarios in my head usually play out a lot more positively than in reality.
I don’t know. I know you all expected a new story. This is that story. This is a story of what happens when sex stops. When the problems of a relationship and reality take over. This is what happens in the story when love disappears mutually. This is how the story ends. With one character forever in pain, loveless and sad.
I’ll be deleting this blog soon, R.B.Noir and all of the other monikers will not exist anymore. It has been an experience and I’m happen to have touched so many of you and been able to help you escape from your realities. Every person who supported me through my writing will forever be loved. I’m sorry.